Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
