Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
