Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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