Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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