When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
