Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
