I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
