so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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