Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sarcasm needs its own font
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
