Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
