Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
