Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
