I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I won the penis lottery.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
