last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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