meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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