i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
