im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize