if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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