No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
