he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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