Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
