thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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