At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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