True but thats because hes a fetus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
