Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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