All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
