the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
