My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize