My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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