paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
