I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
