I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
