It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
