shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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