Who did Billy Mays play for?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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