he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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