Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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