Yo dont text me then not text me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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