You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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