guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
