you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
