I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
