My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
