3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
