we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize