Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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