i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
