how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
