I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize