final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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