I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
