I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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