Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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