She is in my trunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
