New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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