No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
