They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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