Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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