i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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