3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
