I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
