Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
