he shaved USA in his pubs
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
