Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
