Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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