similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
