we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
