I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
