I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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